i have decided to run for president
don't tell me i'm too young or have no experience
anyone who says that is an america-hating communist
or terrorist
did obama make it cool to call people communists again?
political trends are really fickle
for my first act i will abolish congress
and replace it with one thousand gorillas
typing on laptops
i will drag dead animals of various kinds
into meetings with foreign leaders
and use the dead animals to hit them in the face
i feel the flag no longer accurately reflects
the zeitgeist of america
so i propose a new design
which consists of a picture of a severed hand
flipping the bird and mounted on a giant cheesburger
vote for me, bitch
i'm ben a. and i approve this message
i also approve of giving illegal drugs to children
and driving drunk
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