There
are several types of people that make me pray every night for the
apocalypse to come and wipe everything out. If I tried to tell you
all of them, this list would be longer than a dictionary. So instead,
here are the top 10 people that should be hung upside down and have
their face beaten with dead cats.
1. Evangelists
No, I don't want to hear about the
imaginary friend you have to beg for forgiveness for your oh so evil
existence.
2. Cops that think they're Judge
Dredd
You are not the law. Or as Stallone
said in the movie “duh lur." That badge is not an entitlement to
being a bully. Just because you can get away with harassing and
beating the shit out of people doesn't mean you should.
3. Obnoxious kids and their parents
Nothing is worse than going somewhere
and having to listen to a bunch of screaming kids, while their
parents stand around doing nothing. These kids should have their
heads beaten against their dads' balls until they burst. That way
they'll finally shut the fuck up and their stupid parents won't be
able to produce more of them.
4. Political pundits
In an enlightened culture, these people
would be considered on the same level as the homeless old guy on the
street corner yelling “Repent! Repent! Floss often!” Especially
the conservative ones. Look, I also hate Obama. But you were telling
me the government was the only thing keeping terrorists from blowing
me up, now it's the tool of Satan. Make up your mind, assholes.
5. People who flaunt their
illiteracy
I have an uncle who once proudly told
me he's only read 5 books in his whole life. He's in his 40s. You have
no idea how happy I am that I don't have any of his genes.
6. Anti-smoking activists
I'm not a smoker, but I've seriously
contemplated taking up the habit just to spite these whiners.
7. People who use the word “fuck”
every other fucking word
Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with
these fucking people? I mean, fuck!
8. Drivers who harass cyclists
Yeah, you think you're invincible in
your car? You think you can just yell and throw shit at the poor guy
on the bike next to you? Well, just wait until I mount a machine gun
on my handlebars. We'll see who's laughing then.
9. Politicians
Do I need to say anything else? I can't
be the only one praying that everyone in Congress dies of painful
rectal cancer.
10. People with peanut allergies
“But I'll go into shock if I eat
anything with peanuts!” Fuck you. Man up and eat the delicious
Reese's Cups, you pussy.
